“I have depression and anxiety, which I honestly think most everyone has to some degree. I’m a Clinical Social Worker and I work with a difficult population. I always wanted to work in my field. I was exposed to the trenches and hidden truths of society at a very young age. My dad was a psychotherapist and wanted me to see that entitlement was not in my genetics and you get more joy out of service to people than retail therapy.
I have depleted my serotonin and some of my ability to produce dopamine due to drug use in high school and my early 20s. I had the picture perfect childhood and all the opportunities that one could ask for, but I couldn’t tell you why I used drugs so freely, other than boredom and peer pressure. I have watched friends overdose, put myself in horrid situations, and did things that should have me in jail to this day. I would not give up one of my experiences despite that they have left me dependent on medication. I have slight OCD; needing to do everything in a balanced manor, chewing, steps per foot, fingertip touches, volume always on the 5’s. Yes, that’s minor OCD.
I self-medicated with alcohol and still do to an extent along with my meds. I don’t watch television because I can’t listen to the negativity. My go-to emotion is anger which is 0-100 in seconds. It has impacted most areas of my life but it’s the fear of vulnerability. I work with my population because I feel more comfortable with them than “normal” people. They are sicker than I am, but I have an understanding of them being trapped; trapped in a skin that manipulates itself for a reason that seems so distant that I fear I may never get to it, despite all of my schooling and exposure. I feel that I am at war with myself sometimes. My salvation is what I can do for the person who cannot do for themselves.
What I do that helps is listen to music. I spend my nights combing through playlists and artists that let me feel something without being vulnerable. Other than that, I do NOT miss my medication! That said, I wouldn’t change a thing because I know that my experiences brought me to a place where I can help people.”